Merry's Big Decision
by Pippinfan1988
Summary: Merry has some big decisions to make--about his life and his dad.
1. Default Chapter

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MERRY'S BIG DECISION

Disclaimer: Neither the hobbits, nor the story surrounding my story belong to me;

they belong to JRR Tolkien. This story, however, is from my limited imagination

based on his lovely story. Merry and Pippin are usually the center of my stories.

I do not write slash in my stories, either.

Again, this story is extremely fictional; if you take offense at Saradoc being an emotionally absent father to Merry, then don't read further. But I will say that he makes progress in this story...

One last note: I don't know why, but my documents are not uploading in the format I've saved them in...sorry about the extra spaces.

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Chapter 1

Merry relished his visits to Whitwell; he sometimes felt that _this _was his real home and his real family, and then for the rest of the year he went away to a boarding school at Brandy Hall. But for his sweet mother, his own home was merely a place to keep out of the rain.

He sat at the table eating second breakfast and waiting for Pip to join him. He and Pippin were to take one of the pigs to the butcher today for Paladin, and then meet him in the fields to help out with the late summer harvest. The task seemed easy enough for Merry.

Pippin ran into the kitchen and skidded to a stop at the table. "Good morning, Pip!", said Merry, wondering why Pippin was in such a hurry. Pippin didn't even bother to sit; he gulped down his mug of milk Dahlia set out for him, grabbed a small loaf of bread, two apples and ran out of the door. He paused only long enough to say to Merry as he ran, "Meet you at the brook!", and he was off.

Merry didn't have long to wonder why Pippin was in such haste. He heard commotion and yelling coming from the back of the smial. It was coming closer until he saw Pim emerge from the hallway crying and screaming at an absent Pippin. "Come back here, you _brat_!! Come back here and let me flay you for supper tonight!!"

Merry was shocked at Pim's temper. He'd never seen her so worked up before. Then as he drained his mug of milk he saw it, and snorted a laugh. Pim looked straight at him and quelled any notion to laugh--out loud. Pim sported a new moustache painted under her nose; painted on with one of her own cosmetics, of course, but it was there for the whole world to see. _Oh, Pippin, you are going to get it when you get home!_, Merry thought as he wiped his mouth. Dahlia hurried over to Pim to help her wash off the paint. He felt his eyes tearing up from holding in his laughter. "I...I need to fetch the pig...for the mustache--I, mean, _market!_", his eyes welled up with tears from trying _not _to laugh. Dahlia and Pim glared at him. He couldn't hold it in anymore; he tripped over his chair trying to make it to the door without getting whacked on the head with a towel, and ran out holding his sides laughing.

Merry ran in the direction of the brook. He spotted Pippin sitting and eating his fill of the bread and washing it down with handfuls of water. He ran towards his cousin. When he stopped, he knelt over with hands on his knees, out of breath, "What are you trying to do, Pip? Get yourself killed at the hands of your sisters?"

"You should've seen what she did to me yesterday before you arrived!", said Pippin with his mouth full of bread. "Everyone thought it was so funny for her to put ribbons in my hair while I slept!"

"Did your father find out?", asked Merry. Surely Paladin would've stopped the madness right then.

"Of course not! I wouldn't hear the end of it if I told papa! _Pippin's a little baby--he runs to his papa every time!_", sneered Pippin for effect. "I can handle my sisters!"

"Your sisters are all older and bigger than you, Pip, and liable to get the better end!"

"Not anymore!", said Pippin, biting into one of his breakfast apples.

They started walking back in the direction of the pigpen. "What are you talking about?", said Merry. He knew his young cousin had a secret plan up his sleeve. For an eight-year-old, Pippin didn't let anything slip past him, and because of this, Merry thought they made a great team. 

"I'm fighting fire with fire!", he replied. "For every trick they _think _they get over on me, I will be waiting with a trick of my own! Yesterday's ribbons declared war!", and Pippin and thrust a fist in the air for emphasis.

Merry laughed at Pippin's declaration. "Just be careful the fire doesn't end up on the seat of your trousers as usual!"

CHAPTER 2

They took the pig and walked it to market in Tuckborough, found the butcher, then took the road back towards Whitwell. As the two cousins walked the three miles towards the fields, they stopped at the half-way point for a rest.

"Let's go more into the trees, Pip", suggested Merry. Pippin noticed a gleam in his cousin's eye; he smiled and followed him.

As they became more concealed among the trees, Merry looked about to make sure no one else was around, and surreptitiously took out of his vest pocket...a _pipe_!

Pippin gasped. "Where'd you get that?!"

"My father gave it to me."

"Your father wouldn't give you a pipe! He doesn't let you smoke yet!", Pippin nearly shouted.

"Shhh! He doesn't know he gave it to me, yet!", Merry replied, then he added, "He doesn't let me do a lot of things, but that doesn't stop me! Now be quiet, or you'll give us away!"

Pippin sat next to Merry on an old log and watched him stuff the pipe bowl with some leaf he had. He watched intently as Merry put the pipe between his teeth and struck a flint to light it. Pippin sat in awe of how Merry expertly puffed out huge plumes of smoke from the pipe. "You _can _smoke!", Pippin exclaimed, "Let me try!"

"Not on your short little life!", laughed Merry. They both suddenly froze as they heard a twig snap close by; they turned around in unison. 

Merry let out a huge sigh of relief. "Frodo! You nearly made me jump out of my skin!" 

Frodo laughed at the thought. "I saw you two at the market and wanted to speak with you, Merry, and so I followed you. So, what are you two up to?" Then Frodo saw the smoking pipe. "No good, as I see it!", he said chuckling.

Pippin observed the exchange and guessed this hobbit to be friend of Merry's, though he didn't remember ever seeing him before today. Pippin thought he looked a little older than Merry, but didn't seem old enough to be of age yet. Merry apparently got out of Brandy Hall more than he let on! 

Merry noticed his younger cousin's curiosity. "Pip, this is another cousin of mine; Frodo Baggins is his name. He used to live at Brandy Hall--but _he was_ able to escape!", Merry jested on the last, as he exhaled a trail of smoke.

"Hullo, Pippin!", Frodo nodded to Pippin, who only nodded back. "Actually, I'm your cousin as well, and I've met you before, though you were but a babe at the time!"

Pippin recognized the name, though not the face. He nodded again, thought for a second, and said, "Yes...you're my second cousin once removed on my father's side and _your _mother's.", and then cocked an eye, "You're the cousin having a Birthday dance the day after tomorrow, are you not?"

Frodo took Merry's pipe and inhaled the pipe smoke with the same expertise Merry did. Frodo looked amazed at Merry, "How did he know? I haven't sent out invitations yet!" 

"Sisters." Merry offered. "_Older _sisters!"

"Ah...that's right--Pearl, Pimpernel, and Pervinca!", Frodo nodded. "News travels fast in the Shire with the lasses, eh?"

"Faster than one of old Gandalf's rockets!", Pippin snickered.

"How do you know of Gandalf?", Frodo was puzzled.

Pippin shrugged. "Who doesn't?"

Frodo laughed, and then asked Merry, "How old did you say he was?" Merry smiled at his little cousin's quick wit. 

Pippin, for his part, was now growing annoyed that everyone was enjoying a smoke of the pipe except him. "Frodo, may I try? I believe I can do just as well!"

Frodo looked at Merry; Merry looked back and just shrugged. "Are you sure you can handle it, laddie?", asked Frodo, with a sly grin.

Pippin walked over to Frodo with his indignant eyes locked on his, and nearly snatched the pipe out of Frodo's hand. He sat back down where he was sitting, and trying to act like his father, Paladin. He cupped his hands around the bowl and drew in a long wisp of smoke.

"Is he always like this?", Frodo muttered to Merry, wanting to laugh, but knew it would infuriate the boy.

"'Oh, yes! He is a handful at times", replied Merry, "but I wouldn't have it any other way."

Pippin didn't hear the last part Merry said; as soon as he inhaled the large amount of smoke his lungs immediately went into coughing spasms, and he swallowed most of the smoke. He thought for sure he would choke and suffocate right there in the woods! He dropped the pipe and bowled over coughing until he thought he had no air left in his lungs. Then he rested with his back against the log gasping for air. Fresh air never smelt so good!

Merry got up, picked up the pipe and handed it to Frodo, and then helped his younger cousin onto the log. "I tried to tell you, but as usual, you're as stubborn as a mule!"

Pippin, now green with nausea, crawled on all fours to a tree some few feet away and heaved up everything in his stomach. When he was finished, he sat back and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. All the trees kept moving.

"Looks like you'll have to wait a bit before the two of you can head out again.", Frodo told Merry, looking at Pippin. "For a bright chap, that wasn't the cleverest thing to do."

"You don't know anything about anything!", muttered Pippin, though loud enough for Frodo to hear.

"You hear that, Merry?", he chuckled, "I don't know anything about anything!"


	2. Chapters 3 and 4

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CHAPTER 3

After a while, the two older hobbits' conversation moved to more serious subjects. Pippin sat quietly against the tree with his eyes closed, even while he started to feel better. If they knew he was listening closely, they may stop talking, considering him too little to understand such things.

"So, Mer, visiting your Uncle Paladin again, eh?"

"Yep.", Merry sighed, blowing smoke rings.

"What about your father? Does he know you're gone this time?"

"I think so..." He inhaled and passed the pipe back over to Frodo.

Frodo held it and looked at it for a moment before he went on. "Merry...you know you're always welcome at Bag End; just make sure you're father knows next time!", Frodo said with a sad grin, and puffed on the pipe.

Pippin was learning a lot, here! _Merry went to Bag End and never told his father?! _ _He ran away from home_! The realization hit Pippin like a rock. He knew of Merry's estrangement with his father, but never in his wildest dreams did he think Merry would run away from home. 

Then the voices grew more quiet.

"I saw her, Frodo! The day after you and I last spoke!", Merry smiled.

"What did she say?"

"She said _hullo_!", Merry quipped, and they both snickered, "...and then she asked me if I was going to your birthday dance!"

"No! _She _asked _you_?!"

"Yes!"

"Well of all the luck! What did you say?"

"I told her I'd think about it!"

"Merry Brandybuck! If you told her any such thing, I'll rap you over the head myself!", laughed Frodo. "I envy you, Merry! No lass has ever asked _me _to a dance--_not even my own_!" They both laughed at the notion.

Pippin listened closely at this..._Merry was sweet on a hobbit lass!_

Merry became flushed and smiled.

"Come, Merry! What else?", prodded Frodo.

"We, um,....nah. I better not say", throwing a look in Pippin's direction.

Frodo gazed over to Pippin. "Looks like he's asleep."

"Don't believe everything you see with Pippin!", and gave Pippin a nudge with his foot.

Pippin didn't move, so Merry got up and started to tickle Pippin. "Stop!", said Pippin, laughing uncontrollably. "Stop!! That wasn't fair!"

"Neither is eavesdropping!", said Frodo

"I wasn't _eavesdropping_! You both spoke so loud even the Barrow Wights beyond the Old Forest could hear you!"

Frodo shook his head. Pippin was like...a troublesome little brother--which he never had. He now understood what Merry saw in befriending this little cousin of theirs. Never before had he met a young hobbit with so much spunk; and this lad was sharp-witted, too. Frodo didn't let on, but he was beginning to like Pippin.

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CHAPTER 4

Merry lazed upon one end of the old log while Frodo dozed on the other. Thin tendrils of smoke floated up into the sky. Then Merry realized the sun was well past its apex. "Pippin!", he bolted up, "we're supposed to meet your father this afternoon!"

Pippin jumped to his feet. They both reeked with smoke, and as Pippin stood up, he felt the queasiness come back. Merry grabbed the pipe from Frodo and tapped it on the log to empty the contents. "Sorry, Frodo." And ran.

"Well, don't let me stop the two of you! It was good to see you again, Merry! And nice to meet you, too, Pippin--again!", Frodo shouted as he waved them off.

The two younger hobbits took off running from the little grove they stopped in. _Uncle Paladin will have our hides if we don't show up soon!,_ thought Merry.

Both he and Pippin were running at full speed as he saw the fields in the distance. They should have arrived some time ago. Merry's only task was to take the pig to town, and then meet uncle Paladin here--only a few miles away. He knew he was in trouble.

They flew past the wooded gate and raced to the empty baskets. Each boy grabbed one and headed for the furthest corner of the field, so as not to be noticed. Little did they know, Paladin saw everything from his wagon platform. 

Merry plopped himself to sit on the ground, sweating and out of breath for a while. Pippin wasn't too far away, also out of breath, knelt down and began picking tomatoes off the vine. Merry looked at Pippin, and Pippin looked at him. Hopefully, Paladin didn't see them run in...late; _very _late. The two boys worked quickly and quietly; usually they laughed and sang silly childish songs while harvesting. If anyone knew them better, one would guess they were trying to hide. 

They worked the rest of the afternoon until one of the field hands called for a water break. Merry and Pippin stayed put and sat down in front of a thick row of tomato vines. All the better to stay out of Paladin's view.

"Do you think we're in the clear?", asked Pippin, peering over the tops of the vines.

"Of course not! Your father sees all, Pip, and your _backside _knows that better than anyone!"

Silence.

"What were you going to tell Frodo?", Pippin ventured

"What?", Merry wiped sweat from his forehead.

"What were you going to tell Frodo?", Pippin repeated.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't be coy, Merry! What were you going to tell Frodo that suddenly you can't say to me?"

The water bearer came into their clearing holding a large bowl of water. They each took a drink and sat back down.

"So?", Pippin continued, wiping his mouth.

"It's _private_! And if you remember, it wasn't for your ears anyway!", said Merry.

"We've never kept secrets before--why now?"

"Because it's none of your business!", Merry was growing annoyed.

Neither spoke for a moment. "Did you _kiss _her?!", Pippin smirked, knowing he pushed the right button.

"Since you must simply know all my business, yes, I _kissed _her!! There! Are you happy?!"

Pippin gasped. "You _kissed _her?"

Someone called from a distance that the water break was over.

Merry ignored Pippin and got up to get his basket.

"Wait! _What was it like_--and who's _her_?"

"Never you mind!!" Merry snapped. 

Pippin now felt guilty over badgering his cousin. "I'm sorry, Merry."

"You should have thought about that before!" Merry was very angry now; actually he _did _want to talk about it, but wasn't sure to whom. Pippin was too young to understand, and his own father was out of the picture--and this is what enraged Merry the most. Frodo had Bilbo, and Pippin had Paladin, but whom did _he _have? Who would he be able to talk to when he was older and things went beyond a simple kiss? The anger built up in Merry until he exploded and took it out on the nearest person...Pippin. He stopped picking tomatoes and addressed his cousin who was in the next path over picking tomatoes of his own.

"Did it matter, Pippin?! I mean, now that you know--did it _really _matter?!" Pippin stopped and looked at his older cousin. "What was it worth to you?! I'm not a little boy anymore, Pip!! There are certain things that I don't wish to tell you--is that so bad?!" Merry picked up his basket. "Is our friendship based upon what you know of me?"

Pippin studied the teenage hobbit. _Friendship_? Did Merry consider him his friend? If Merry regarded him a friend, why was he suddenly attacking him? _If I stepped over the line, then just tell me--don't yell at me! _ However, if friendship was indeed the case, then he stood his ground and said, "Yes, Merry, it is!"

Merry shot a look at Pippin and crouched down to pick more tomatoes. "Why?! The details of my life are none of your concern!!"

Pippin stooped to put the tomatoes in his arms into his basket. "Don't be an ass, Merry!! I'm not talking about the details! I like to know what you're into because....", Pippin stopped, feeling his thoughts out.

"Because _why_?" , Merry demanded, and stood up waiting for an answer, 'is my personal life the talk of Whitwell?!' 

Pippin stood up, too, "You _are _a complete ass today, aren't you! Do I need to tell you _why_?!", he shouted angrily.

"Yes!! _And don't call me an ass_!" Merry shouted back.

"Because I care about you, Merry!" Pippin was incensed. "You're the only cousin I care about, and the only brother I will ever have!! And in case you haven't noticed, my _whole family _cares about you!! _And I'll call you an ass if I want to_!!"

"Well don't!!", Merry yelled.

"Don't _what_? Don't care about you, or call you the _ass _that you are?!" Pippin couldn't believe what he just heard. 

"Just pick up your damned tomatoes and keep walking!!", growled Merry, snatching his own basket from the ground and stomped off. Why _was Pippin being such...a child_?! Here he was having an argument with an eight-year-old; and the eight-year-old was winning!! 

Actually, Merry _was _being an ass; he was frightened at the prospect of anyone, let alone a _whole family_, caring about him and what he did with his life. Merry's was quite confused in his thoughts and needed time to sort them out. Uncle Paladin had been the one to "raise" him, so to speak, for the last several years. Grateful as Merry was, he wanted a father of his _own_...his own father to love him. _Paladin is my father!_ _No, you idiot, he's your uncle!_ Such were the war of words in his heart.

Pippin grabbed his nearly full basket and began to walk. He was furious with Merry. What in Middle Earth had he done or said that upset Merry so much? And why was he yelling at him? Merry visited every summer since Pippin could remember; and they were as close as any brothers could be--why was it so hard for Merry to open up? Pippin seethed at Merry's hurtful words. He stopped and slammed his basket down, picked up a nice soft tomato and threw it at Merry. Right on target! "If you dislike me so much, why are you here?!" Pippin shouted. "Why don't you go back home!" Pippin thought Merry would keep walking, but Merry turned around, dropped his basket, picked up a tomato of his own and hurled it at Pippin. Pippin tried to dodge the red mass, but wasn't quick enough. He had red tomato all over his back. Pippin picked up another tomato and wound up for his delivery---

"_Drop it!!_ _NOW!!_", both boys froze; it was Paladin.


	3. Chapters 5 and 6

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CHAPTER 5

The two boys stood with their hands in their pockets under the shade of an Elm tree and waited for Paladin to finish giving instructions to one of the workers. When he finished, he turned and walked over to them. For a moment he stared at the young hobbits. "You had a simple task; bring the pig to the butcher, then come to the fields to work. Did you do as I asked?", Paladin's tone had an edge to it.

"Yes, sir."

Knowing the boys would say just about anything to escape punishment, he asked more directly, "Did you both come _straight _here after the butcher?"

They eyed each other. "No, sir.", Merry replied, his eyes cast down to the ground.

"Hmm. What took your attention away from the task I gave you?"

They said nothing. 

Even after the heated argument, neither boy would snitch on the other. Merry thought to say, _Gee, uncle Paladin, I snuck out of Brandy Hall with my father's pipe and leaf, and well, your son and I decided to have a smoke before coming to work! _He imagined that going over well with Paladin!

"I ask again" , Paladin was growing impatient, "what took your attention away from the task I gave you?!"

Again, silence.

"One day, when the two of you are grown hobbits and have children of your own, you _may _understand. For over three hours--THREE HOURS!--I had no idea where two of my children were!! Did something happen to them? Is all well at home? Were they waylaid in the road on their way here?", Paladin paced. "I don't expect that you would understand the torment you put me through!" He turned away. Again, he paced back and forth in front of them. Finally, he faced them and said, "Peregrin, you're first." Pippin looked up with dread. "_Me_?" 

Paladin undid his belt. Pippin was worried. His father used his full name; but he'd been through this exercise many times--he was not a stranger to punishment! Pippin turned around and bent over. His father didn't hold back. He felt all five swats and their sting; his eyes welled with tears as he felt each lash. He went back to stand against the tree sniffling and wiping his eyes. 

"Meriadoc.", Paladin called, "you're next."

Merry, on the other hand, was _not _as familiar with punishments as his younger, more saucier cousin. But he was to blame this time, and he would take his punishment. Yet Paladin's words kept echoing in Merry's mind; _two of my childre_n..., and then his confusion about his father, or lack thereof, surfaced--and he thought of his argument with Pippin over who truly cared for him. 

He bent over and felt five lashes on his backside. He didn't really feel them though; not as much as the lashes his own father inflicted on the inside of his heart. As he stood up, he tried to hold together his swirling unsolved anger, but the tears sprang up anyway. Perhaps it was just as well; Paladin would think the punishment took affect. Merry just stood there as a stone, and stared straight ahead. _Don't cry!_, he heard himself inwardly. He bit his lip until it nearly bled. _Don't cry!! _But the weight was too much; his legs became weak and he sunk to the ground to sit. He was still trying to swallow the lump rising in his throat, when he just couldn't control it anymore. The tears fell, barely touching his face before hitting the ground, and he couldn't stop them.

Paladin knew his nephew almost as well as his own son; something was really wrong with Merry. He was crying--though Paladin could tell it wasn't from the lashing, but of something far deeper. His shoulders heaved with sobs. He walked up to his nephew and sat down next to him. "Merry, your tears are not from your punishment, are they?"

Still sobbing, Merry looked at the ground and slowly shook his head. He sniffed and tried to wipe away the tears as his sobs grew deeper; years of heartache rising to the surface.

Paladin hardly had to guess the cause of Merry's tears was his father, Saradoc, but he had to get him to open up. Merry had become closed as of late, and if Merry continued to keep his anguish to himself, he'd be doomed to a life of misery. He knew of Merry running away to stay with their cousin Frodo a month earlier. Merry had been such a wonderful lad to have around during his visits; the boy was always eager to help with the chores or in the fields. Only recently did Merry take to a few minor bad turns. Merry desperately needed a father who had a constant eye on him. Paladin remembered a vow he took upon himself several years earlier; he took Merry in his arms and held him, just as if he was his own son.

A little while later, Paladin remained on the ground next to Merry with his arm around him, and Merry's face buried in his uncle's shoulder. Merry had stopped crying....for now. Merry had been so upset that Paladin could feel him gasp for air every minute or so. 

Pippin sat on the other side of Paladin, quiet, and worried about his cousin. Paladin put his other arm around Pippin and drew him close. He wanted Pippin to know he was not like Saradoc. But why should that happen? Though Paladin had guessed Pippin was going to be a bit more of a challenge to raise than he first thought, he made sure Pippin knew he was loved. He kissed Pippin's curly head.

"Papa?", asked Pippin, barely audible.

"Yes?", Paladin spoke softly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

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CHAPTER 6

The sun was setting as they rode up the lane to the smial. Merry and Pippin sat behind the buckboard, bouncing the whole way home. Pippin noticed Merry stared into nothing the whole ride. He tried to talk to Merry, but he'd only shrug; even with a simple yes or no question. _Maybe he's still angry with me_, Pippin thought.

Pippin hopped out of the wagon as they pulled to a stop. He could hear the dishes clinking inside the kitchen, the chatter of women preparing supper. The aroma of bread baking made it's way to Pippin's nose; he could feel the warmth of it all spill out into the night. He thought about Merry; the only warmth Merry ever felt at home came from his mother; and she was only one candle in the chasm between Merry and his father.

Merry crawled out the back of the wagon. "May I please be excused from supper?"

Merry spoke so softly that Paladin barely heard his request. Merry looked like he hadn't slept in a week. He was a typical sixteen-year-old lad, usually full of energy and mischief. This evening, though, he carried a huge weight on his shoulders.

Paladin understood Merry wished to be alone right now. "Shall a platter be brought to you?", Paladin offered.

"No, thank you, sir." Merry almost whispered. He remained where he stood waiting to be excused.

Paladin's heart went out to his nephew. "Very well, I will look in on you after supper."

"Yes, sir." Merry said, and walked to the back entrance.

Paladin and Pippin carried the few tools they brought back from the fields into the barn. Neither spoke until they were walking towards the kitchen door.

"Papa?" Pippin walked slowly with his hands in his pockets, dragging his feet, feeling the dry loose earth under his toes.

"Hmm?" Paladin stopped walking to let Pippin catch up. He knew his young son was troubled over Merry's relationship with Saradoc.

Pippin stopped, and looked as if he was about to speak, he held his breath and hesitated. "I wish there was something we could do to help Merry", he finally said.

"So do I, Pip." He placed his hand on his son's shoulder and guided him through to the kitchen door.

No sooner had they walk in the kitchen, Pim grabbed Pippin by the arm and took him to task. "_Look at my lip_!" Pim's upper lip was red and chafed where she scrubbed to get the cosmetic paint off. It took all the strength Pippin had to not bowl over laughing. 

"How am I supposed to attend the dance when I have a red and swollen lip?!" Pim was angry.

"What dance? You haven't even got an invitation I'll wager!", he teased his sister. "He probably changed his mind and burnt it!", Pippin retorted.

This only angered is sister all the more. Pim grabbed his arm and almost yanked it out, "You think you're so smart, eh? Mother says for your punishment you can wash _every _dirty dish after supper tonight _and _first breakfast tomorrow!! _And I'll make sure every dirty dish and caldron is what you get!!_"

To Pim's surprise he didn't argue. He let out a sigh and said nothing further. Pim thought for sure Pippin would whine and run to mamma or papa to get out of his duties, but Pippin looked out of sorts. All battles aside, she grabbed his arm again and took him into the hallway. "Pippin, what's the matter--are you sick?"

Pippin looked further down the hallway to the darker, unlit portion. Merry's door was there in the darkness, which told Pippin that Merry hadn't even bothered to light a fire for the night.

"Pippin?" Pim grew concerned.

Without looking at his sister he replied, "I'm worried about Merry."

Pim relaxed; she thought something serious was wrong with her brother. "He's a big hobbit, you know, Pip. He can take care of himself."

Pippin went into the day's events...well, the _important _ones, anyway. Then Pim knelt down to look him in his eyes. "Pip, you can't heal the world. Even papa will tell you that. Merry will be alright.", Pim tried to force a smile. The truth was, now _she _was worried. Merry was like another brother to Pim, and she loved him as such. They were close in age, as hobbits go, and she was naturally concerned over him.

"I'll leave you alone this time, Peregrin Took", Pim warned with a finger, "but don't count on it a second time!", and then she left to help in the kitchen.


	4. Chapters 7 and 8

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CHAPTER 7

The morning was bright and cheery. Pippin was in a foul mood while scrubbing the stove when Pim appeared in the hallway. "Pip! Tell me when the Post arrives! I have letters to send!" Pippin stopped scrubbing and mocked, "Yes, _Thain _Pim!"

Pim's head appeared round the corner with imaginary concern, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear what you said, would you care to repeat it, Pip?"

Pippin saw his Papa look up from sipping his morning tea. "No, I wouldn't.", he replied.

She narrowed her eyes at Pippin, "Hmmm, thought so.", and turned to leave the kitchen.

"Pippin." Still scrubbing the caldron, Pippin heard his father call him and looked up. "Come and sit."

__

Please, he thought, _not another lecture_. Pippin put the scrub rush down and went to sit by his father.

"Son, I know what you're up against. I, too, had three older sisters _and _another younger one to deal with as I was growing up." Paladin winked at his son. Then he was more serious, "I will tell you this: don't go so far as an all out war on your most faithful allies.'

Pippin was shocked at his father's hint_. How did he know about The War? _ And _allies?!--with allies like Pim, who needs enemies?_

"No matter how relentlessly they tease you, Pippin, don't retaliate so as to divide yourself from those who love you most."

"Even when they deserve it?! Papa, they've done rotten things to me!"

Paladin drew Pippin to his side, "They are your sisters; your _kin_. When you are grown, and your mamma and I are no longer around, _they _will be. They will be here for you, Pip. Will your teasing go so far as to make them _not _want to be your sister? Think about that." Paladin sipped the last of his tea, got up and left for the fields with his only instruction to Pippin being to stay near Merry.

Pippin was left to deal with his feelings; he dwelt on his father's words as he finished rinsing the dishes in the tub. His thoughts were broken by the sound of jingling bridle. Pippin peered through the kitchen window. "Pim!", he shouted, "the Post is here!"

Soon Pim dashed into the kitchen with three envelopes. "Pip! Hurry! Run these out to the Post!"

Pippin saw she had white cream all over her face and started to laugh. "Pippin! Take these out to the Post!"

"Take them yourself!", he said, still laughing.

"Peregrin! Take these out to the post this instant!", then she added, "_please_!"

Pim wasn't jesting; she looked very serious...and she did say, _please_. "You owe me!" Pippin took the envelopes from his sister and ran out to the Post. He handed them over to the deliverer, and he received a bundle of envelopes in return. On his way back down the lane he wondered what in the Shire got his sister's petticoat all tied up in a knot. He stole a peek at the envelopes he just received. Most were for either his father or mother, but there were five envelopes of the same script from the same sender: Mr. Frodo Baggins, Bag End, Hobbiton. Then there was one that was addressed to: Master Peregrin Took, Whitwell, Tuckborough. He laughed to himself to see such a formal title attached to his name. Pippin rarely received envelopes, and was curious to see what was inside. He started to open it, then thought not to. He was going to wait to see what the other envelopes carried inside first. The rest of the envelopes were addressed to each teenager and tweenager: Pearl, Pimpernel, Pervinca, and Meriadoc Brandybuck. Then he remembered Merry again. He thought to take Merry's envelope himself--hopefully Merry was receiving visitors, or better yet, _him_.

****

CHAPTER 8

Merry was still in his nightshirt when he heard a rap on his door. He didn't answer; hoping the intruder would go away. Then he heard another rap. This time he thought to send the knocker away, but in case it was his auntie, he didn't want to be rude towards her... he sighed, "Who is it?"

"Pip." Pippin used the nickname Merry gave him, hoping this would soften any blow Merry might send his way.

"Go away, please."

"I've got an envelope for you."

"_Go away_, please." Growing slightly annoyed Pippin wasn't leaving.

"It's from Frodo Baggins."

"Go aw--oh, it's no use!", so he got up and opened the door. There stood the little hobbit with hand stretched out holding an envelope. Merry snatched it from Pippin and opened the door wider, "You're hopeless."

Pippin took the hint and stepped inside. Merry's room was dark; it was lit only by a single candle that sat on the mantle and the sunlight that seeped through the cracks of the drapes. Pippin noticed it was a bit stuffy inside, too. Merry appeared hadn't opened any windows all day. He watched Merry toss the envelope on the bed table and crawl back inside the warm bed. 

Pippin settled himself in a chair and looked around the room. "Aren't you going to open it?"

"I know what it is."

"What is it, then?"

Merry sighed heavily. "It's an invitation."

Pippin waited for Merry to elaborate. "Are you going to open it?"

Silence.

"Merry?"

"What?!" Merry was getting agitated at Pippin again.

"Are you going to open it?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to! _What is this--an inquisition?!_" Pippin was pushing his buttons again.

Normally, Pippin would have had fun in aggravating his dear cousin, but Merry was in such a state that right now that Pippin felt he needed to draw his cousin out of his dark closet.

There was an uneasy silence. "Have you decided if you're going to stay with us?"

Pippin's question hit Merry like a dagger. "_I don't know, Pippin! Leave me alone!!_"

"But, I..."

"_Get out!!_", Merry got out of bed and hauled Pippin out of his room by his arm, shoved him out into the dark hallway and slammed the door behind him. Merry leaned against it, slipping to the floor. He began to cry all over again. After a few minutes he heard Pippin's footsteps walk away. This whole dilemma had turned him into a monster_. He hated Brandy Hall, he hated his father, and now he was becoming a monster to the people he loved the most_. He decided at that moment he would never go back to Brandy Hall to live. 

Then he saw a little dark shape on the floor next to the chair Pippin had been sitting in. Pippin must have dropped it--_as I was shoving him out of the room._ Merry sniffed and got up to fetch the little object. He picked it up and held it before him; it was difficult to see the color in the darkness. It was silky to his touch, and he felt broken stitches on one side of it--where at one time existed an embroidered smiling face. The memory of the object made Merry cry all over again; it was Pippin's little blue pillow. Perhaps Pippin brought it here on purpose. _He meant to give it to me, but I shoved him out--what a wonderful cousin you are, Merry! _ Merry himself had given the pillow to Pippin when he was an infant. He had seen it briefly at times over the years; and even now, Pippin would never admit that he still took it to bed with him. Being that the little pillow was so ever so dear to Pippin, it was evidently his way of giving comfort to Merry, when he didn't quite know how to give it. 

Merry lay on the bed and hugged the little pillow until he was out of tears, and fast asleep.


	5. Chapters 9 and 10

****

CHAPTER 9

"Why must I go, mamma?" Pippin whined, sitting in the steaming bathtub.   
As usual, he was trying to get out of doing something. "I won't know anyone there!"

"Gracious me, Pippin, you'll know your sisters!" Eglantine reached for a small pail nearby. "And Merry is going to be there, too!" She scooped some water and poured it over her son's head. "You said yourself that you met cousin Frodo already! What are you fearing, son?" Eglantine rubbed the bar of soap to the wash cloth and handed it to Pippin.

"I'm not fearing _anything_!", Pippin glanced at the washcloth as if it would attack him any moment. He took it and began to wash.

His mother busied herself washing clothes in another tub not too far away. "Pippin, you say you won't know anyone there; perhaps it's time to be more social. Tis true I'm a bit surprised cousin Frodo invited someone so young to his birthday party with a bunch of teens and tweens, but maybe he'll be inviting a nice little lass to keep you company all evening!" Pippin threw his mother a look of complete panic at the though of Frodo pairing him up with a--_girl_! When Pippin was done washing himself, Eglantine came over and sat down on a small stool to wash Pippin's hair. "Your sisters will be there to watch out for you!" She laughed, as she massaged the soap into his tangled locks.

__

There she goes on about those wretched sisters again! Pippin dipped himself into the water to rinse off and came up sputtering. He stood up in the tub dripping, and his mother was ready with a large towel to wrap him in. She helped him out of the tub, and left him to himself to finish drying off and get dressed.

Pippin sat miserably in a chair; he was wrapped in a large towel, letting his hair drip as he was lost in his thoughts. He didn't tell her of his and Merry's last conversation, and how Merry pretty much threw him out of the room. Merry wouldn't want to talk to him at the party--_no one would_, and his sisters would avoid him like a disease. _I'm doomed_, he thought as he slowly got dressed.

The sun was still high in the sky, though winding down towards the horizon. It was a long ride to Hobbiton from Tuckborough. Pippin jumped out the back and stretched his legs. He was dressed in fine dark blue trousers, crisp white shirt, and dark blue waistcoat to match with a black bow tie. 

Merry slid out as well. He barely spoke the entire ride, and was in no mood to jest. Merry wore brown trousers and duck tailed coat, and a pale yellow shirt with a black bow tie. The girls wore tea length gowns in various colors of yellow, pink, and green. 

Pearl was the first to walk up to the round green door, and she knocked. The wait wasn't long; the door opened up into a warm and well-lit hallway and Mr. Frodo himself met the guests.

"Pearl! All of you, welcome! Please come in!", bowed the gracious host. "We will begin the birthday supper shortly; please feel free to walk around inside or in the garden until then." Frodo took their cloaks. "I'm happy all of you made it--even you, Pippin!"

Pippin only smiled politely--as his mother instructed him. He wanted to bolt! 

Frodo showed them to the parlor where all the other teens and tweens were gathering. Merry already made his way over to where the other lads were socializing. Pearl, Pim, and Perva sat with the other girls and soon all were cooing over each other's dresses and gossiping about the latest couples.

Pippin was observing it all with great disgust. _Why couldn't mother let me stay home?_ _I see no one else here that is my age! _He settled himself in the chair next to the bookcase and glared at all the silliness. He chewed his fingernails for entertainment.

After what seemed forever to Pippin, Frodo came into the parlor and announced supper. Immediately everyone migrated into the dining area. Platters were laden full of meats, vegetables, and various breads and cheese. Several casks of ale sat on tables as well. It all appeared a feast to Pippin.

"Three cheers for Frodo and Bilbo!" Pippin heard someone yell. "Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Happy birthday, Frodo! Happy birthday, Bilbo!" the crowd cheered. Looking around the table, Pippin noticed the older hobbit sitting at the far end. He reminded Pippin of his cousin Ferumbras III, the Thain; his own grandfather died before he was born, so Ferumbras III served as a grandfather type for him. Bilbo reminded Pippin of him. The elder hobbit caught Pippin's eye and smiled. 

Pippin sat at the board with the tweens and teens. He ate his fill and then some, for a young hobbit. Mugs of ale were being passed around the table. Pippin kept passing them down until the guest on each side of him were not waiting for another mug, but were busy conversing with other guests. With no one else to pass it to, Pippin looked around to see if anyone was waiting for a mug. All the other guests were engaged in conversations of their own. He looked to see what his sisters might say. None of his sisters took notice of him. No one observed him holding a mug of ale. Pippin thought it a waste to let it sit, so without a second thought...bottoms up! 

By the time Pippin finished eating and drinking, he began to feel that this little party wasn't so bad after all, and decided that another mug of ale might help cheer him even more.

After supper, Frodo's guests got up and retired to the outer room again. This time, someone called for a song. Pippin watched as a young hobbit got up--someone called Sam--and recited poetry. Pippin laughed to himself, watching Sam with his hands behind his back and reciting poetry with all the earnestness in the Shire. And his poetry was _funny_! After the recital, everyone laughed at his humorous rhyme; Sam was red faced and sat down. Pippin liked Sam!

Next, a young lass by the name of Laurel Goodbody got up and sang a song that reeked of star-crossed love. Pippin gagged.

For some reason unbeknownst to Pippin, he heard someone shout his name. "Hey, Pippin! Give us a song!" Pippin knew they were only picking him because being the youngest in the party, he stuck out like a sore thumb. "Yes, Pippin! Sing for us, little laddie!"

__

Little Laddie! He saw Merry looking at him and he felt his sisters eyes boring into his head. It was contempt...and ale...that made Pippin get up and sing a song. He wrote the words up not too long ago; the song was about a boy who had three overbearing sisters. He decided to enjoy this, so he threw in a bit of a jig for fun and laughs.

"There once was a boy

who had three sisters

all older, and bolder

and scared off the misters.

They took him to task

all day and all night

all screaming earsplitting 

and scaring with fright.

Their hair was like ox tail

their ears like a pig,

their teeth were as rabbits',

as they jiggedy jigged!"

****

Towards the end, the lads all laughed at the lasses. Out of the corner of his eye, Pippin could see Merry smirking; Merry helped him with a bit of the rhyming. Pippin was pleased with himself; on and on he went until he saw Pearl's eyes! _If looks were daggers!_...he brought it to a quick end and sat down. 

"It's a Good thing you're a _little _laddie--you've just scattered all the lasses in our direction!!", Pippin heard someone laugh. "We don't see them running in your direction either, Fredegar!", the rest laughed back.

Everyone returned to talking and prattle. Pippin got up and strolled about. He filled his mug....again. There was that older hobbit fellow, Bilbo, sitting at a desk. Pippin walked over to cure more possible boredom. The older hobbit looked down at Pippin from his stool, "What is your name, lad?"

"Peregrin Took, sir, or most everyone calls me Pippin." He sipped his ale.

"Ah...a _Took_! How old are you, young sir?"

Pippin looked around. "Twelve, sir."

"You may call me Bilbo, lad!", Bilbo did a double take and winked, "You don't look a day over thirteen!"

"I'm quite short for my age!"

"I'll wager you are!", laughed Bilbo.

Pippin smiled in spite of himself. Old Bilbo had him figured out.

"What are you writing...Bilbo?", Pippin was brought up to address his elders by a "mister" or "miss" title, but since he liked this old hobbit, he humored him.

"It's a book, though I haven't quite decided on a title yet, but right now, I call it 'There And Back Again' ."

"What's it about?", Pippin's curiosity piqued.

Bilbo, always ready to tell his tales, began with his 50th birthday party and his very bad cold...

CHAPTER 10

Pippin was still listening to Bilbo's account of Mirkwood and the Elves when one of the older lads called to him. He looked at Bilbo.

"Go on, lad!", Bilbo said, "My tales can wait; I'm needing to wet my dry throat, anyway!"

Pippin smiled and thanked Bilbo for his tales, and went after the tweenager. Pippin, still holding his mug of ale, turned up the smaller hallway that led to the back, but seemed to have lost track of his caller. Was it him, or did the hallway just sway a little bit? He caught his balance, and heard a sound coming from behind the double doors. "Pssst!" He saw the doors open a crack, and so went inside.

The room was foggy with candlelight, a fire in the fireplace, and smoke from five lit pipes. There were a several of the older boys in the room; he recognized a few of them. There was the teen Fredegar that jested earlier, he saw Frodo, Sam, and Merry, but the other one he didn't know. They were sitting in chairs around the room smoking pipes. Pippin still held his half-full mug in his hand. "What's this?", and Fredegar came up to Pippin and looked in his mug. Fredegar's face grew amazed. "Either you've got some cheek, laddie, or I'm a Troll's uncle! That's _ale _in there!"

"Troll's _uncle_? I should say! But you're looking even more like a Troll's backside!", replied Pippin. "_Of course it's ale_!" This garnered a roar of laughter from the other lads.

"I'd give you a pipe to smoke, Pippin," offered Frodo, "but the last I remember you had a few...shall we say, _difficulties_?" A few chuckles.

Pippin sat in the empty chair next to Sam. "Sam, would you mind if I borrowed your pipe?"

Sam looked at Frodo. "_Are you up to it_, lad?", asked Frodo. 

Pippin looked Frodo square in the eye and said, "Hand me your pipe, Sam!"

Sam blew a few puffs, and then handed his pipe to Pippin. All eyes were on Pippin. He took the pipe and settled back into the huge chair. Pippin gave them all a glance before putting the pipe in his mouth and inhaled a long breath. He didn't even think about it. He exhaled and out came the smoke in a long trailing wisp. Silence. Merry's jaw dropped. Pippin held his up his mug and took a draught. "Cheers."


	6. Chapters 11 and 12

****

CHAPTER 11

Pippin decided that he would do more listening than babbling this evening. No good to chatter on like a hobbit-child when in the company of grown hobbits--or nearly grown in the case of most. The teen Pippin didn't recognize came up to him and introduced himself as Folco Boffin. "Welcome.", he said and shook Pippin's hand.

"Gather round, everyone!", called Frodo, "it's time for gifts! I decided to give special ones to my dearest friends."

Folco and Fredegar opened their gifts; each received one of Frodo's most cherished books. Sam opened his gift next. The gardener received a pair of gloves. Frodo explained they were for use when handling rough plants, such as _roses_. Sam blushed.

To Pippin's utter surprise, Frodo handed him a gift. Pippin opened the wrapping to find none other than...his very own _pipe_! It was a bit smaller than an adult's pipe, hand carved from fine walnut wood, and it was polished to a sleek, smooth feel. His delightful smile gave away is heart. Pippin looked up at Frodo, and tried to act the teenage hobbit he wasn't but said with all sincerity, "Thank you, Frodo." Frodo nodded in satisfaction.

Last, but not least, was Merry. Frodo moved to where Merry sat, pulled a chair up to him, and took his cousin's hands in his own. He said, "I have no material gift to offer, because the gift I impart to you is shelter in this humble dwelling; from the storms of weather, and the storms of life. You are most welcome here, Merry, for as long as you wish."

Merry seemed genuinely stunned. "T-t-to stay, you mean?", he asked. Frodo nodded. Merry was speechless at first, but finally said, "I don't know what to say."

"Thank you, will suffice!", Frodo laughed. "and to say that you will at least consider moving in to Bag End!"

Pippin was stunned. He thought for sure Merry would choose to live at Whitwell! While everyone was standing round patting Merry's back and congratulating him on his wonderful gift, Pippin slipped out of the room.

When would Merry leave? In the middle of the night? Didn't Merry feel welcome at Whitwell? Would Merry even think to say good-bye to him? _Why doesn't Merry want to live with us_--or _me_? All these thoughts were racing through Pippin's mind as he made his way towards the door, and on his way out....he filled his mug...again.

Just as Pippin opened the door to walk out into the crisp night air, he heard a familiar voice. "Pippin!" It was Perva. Pippin rolled his eyes with the anticipation of Perva getting on his last nerve. "Where do you think you're going?", she asked as she attempted to stand between Pippin and the outdoors.

"Outside! Now out of my way!", Pippin growled as he shoved past his sister.

Perva was shocked at Pippin's behavior, "I'm telling momma and papa!"

"Oooh, I'm scared!", Pippin shouted over his shoulder as he walked outside.

CHAPTER 12

Pippin sat in the large tree on the hill. It was a tad treacherous getting up; he slipped a couple times on the wet bark, but was able to climb, albeit carefully, up into the heights of the tree. Here he was content...for now. He sipped from his mug and fingered his new pipe. So smooth it was. He wished he had some leaf to go into it, but realized the rain would have sputtered out any flame. The raindrops soaked his good clothes and ran down his face from his wet hair. He was pondering Merry's notion to leave without so much as a goodbye, when he heard the door squeak open and then close shut. It was Merry. Pippin sat quietly where he was.

The rain smelled good and fresh to Merry; it cleaned the air. He walked up the lane just before the garden and stopped in front of the tree where Pippin was perched. Merry gazed at the garden; it looked very beautiful to him and noticed it was well tended by the Gaffer and Sam. Not a rose out of place, and the bluebells together with the marigolds completed the splendor. He wondered if bluebells had to make such difficult decisions as he did tonight? He laughed to himself at his own nonsense. He put his hands in his pockets to ward of shivering, but his clothes were getting wet; after that, nothing would keep out the chill. The silence was comforting, though; the earth always seemed quiet during rain. 

__

What do I do?, he thought as he considered Frodo's offer. _Move into Bag End?_ His choices were either to remain at Whitwell, or move here. He would not go back home to Buckland, that much he knew. But where to from here? His heart knew the answer, but how would he tell them?

Pippin watched Merry from his perch. What was Merry doing out here? Was Merry following him? Why was he pacing up and down the lane? Surely he had "decisions" to make, as he remembered his papa's words, and it was obvious to Pippin what Merry's decision would be..._Bag End_. 

Pippin was feeling quite relaxed by now; in fact, he was starting to feel a bit dizzy. He fingered his pipe again. He wasn't angry with Frodo; Pippin was glad someone had offered shelter to his dear cousin. He knew Merry would not go back to Buckland, but why would he not stay with _his _family? Even for a little while longer? Was it so bad being a Took? Merry indeed had Took blood in him! Pippin searched his heart to find the "why" he was aching to answer. A chill came over Pippin and he sneezed.

Merry was deep in thought. He stared out into the darkness of the fields of Hobbiton, and found no easy answers. He heard a noise; he thought it sounded like a...a _sneeze_? He turned to each side and peered into the darkness to find no one. He was certain he heard something....perhaps it was his own imagination. Wait....he turned around and looked up into the tree. His eyes spotted the source.

"Pippin! What are you doing up there?!", Merry asked, trying not to speak too loud.

Pippin thought if he didn't answer him, Merry would go away.

"_Pippin! _Come down from there!"

"Leave me alone!"

Puzzled, Merry ventured again, "Pippin! What's going on--what's the matter?"

__

As if he didn't know! "You! You're the matter, that's what!"

__

Wait!, Merry thought. "What are you talking about?!"

"Do you think I'm _stupid_?! I was there when Frodo gave you your _gift_--don't you remember? _I was there_! He gave you a piece of Bag End, which probably wasn't even his to give, and _you_! You ate it all up!" By now, the ale was talking in full force for Pippin. "And what are you thinking about now, I might ask? How fast you can pack your bags and leave without so much as a good bye? Won't you even think about how much we will miss you? I won't ever see you again! You're all I...", and Pippin stopped himself; he told himself no tears, but here they were. 

__

This won't do, he thought, and he started to climb down. Between the rain, and his drunkenness, Pippin slipped, but caught himself on a lower branch, dropping his mug...it was empty anyway.

This scared Merry. What was wrong with his cousin? He seemed alright not too long ago in Bilbo's Study. In fact, Merry was quite proud of his young friend. "Wait!! Hold up, Pip!" Merry hurtled over the low hedge that lined the lane, and raced up the hill to the tree.

Pippin caught his feet on the branch below, and decided to jump the rest of the way, and as he dropped, he realized his judgment was terribly wrong.

"Pippin!! _NO_!!", Merry shouted.

But it was too late; Pippin sailed past several huge branches before he hit something....

Merry barely felt the jolt upon his head, and tumbled down the other side of the hill, with Pippin tumbling alongside him. The other side of The Hill was not as well tended as the front side. Brambles and thorns tore at their flesh, scratching up their skin to the point of drawing blood. Merry felt his head hit something hard several times, while tumbling on they went. 

When Pippin jumped from the tree, he felt he landed on something, but didn't know what; he _did _know that it _wasn't _the ground. Then he realized he was still falling, he shot out his left arm to catch himself on the ground and immediately felt a sharp pain shoot up his arm as he tried to shield his second landing. He let out a muffled cry. Head over heels he went until he came to a stop by a huge rock. He hit it with such force that it knocked the wind out of him. 

After a few minutes, they heard voices; "Who's down there?", Pippin heard someone up the hill yell. But he found he couldn't answer. He couldn't find his breath; where was he?

Merry got up on his hands and knees, dazed himself. "Hullo, up there!", but his voice was too small to carry up the hill. Merry heard the buzz of a hundred people up the hill. 

Merry's whole body throbbed; he let himself settle onto the wet, muddy ground. He was too dazed and weak to crawl back up the hill. "Pip?" Half not expecting an answer; Pippin fell from a great height, and he guessed Pippin to be in a bad state. Merry felt around in the darkness to find Pippin. His hands felt a trembling body on the wet ground. He moved slowly towards the shivering mass. He hovered close until his body felt the warmth--or lack thereof-of Pippin. How long was his cousin in that tree? Pippin was completely soaked through to the skin. He lay himself next to his young cousin with Pippin's back to his chest. Merry enveloped his cousin and wrapped his cloak about them both, until darkness stole his mind away....


	7. Chapters 13 and 14

****

CHAPTER 13

Some time later, Pippin sat wrapped in a blanket sipping hot tea, but he was still shivering. His own clothes were torn and ruined, and he now wore one of Frodo's old shirt and trousers. His feet felt like ice on a cold winter's morn, and is arm began to throb. His eyelids were heavy from a sleepless night, and a little too much ale. A hot bath was being prepared for him in the next room. 

After the others came up with Merry, they took him into his own room and laid him on the bed. They took off his wet clothes and replaced them with a dry nightshirt. Frodo and Sam checked his arms and legs for broken bones, but found none. "Look Frodo!" Sam pointed at a bleeding gash above Merry's right ear. "I see it, Sam. It looks quite bad; please run and get your mother." Though she did not bear the title of healer, Bell Gamgee ministered herbs and healings to Bilbo and Frodo on more than one occasion, earning her the unofficial title at Bag End.

A short while later, Bell appeared in Merry's doorway and hesitated. "May I come in, master Frodo?"

"Yes, please! Thank you for coming!"

Bell went straight to Merry's side and examined the gash in his head. A look of concern creased her brow, and then she bit her bottom lip in thought. She looked up at her Sam and Frodo, "You'd best fetch his mum and dad."

Frodo and Sam exchanged looks of horror. "Is he...?", ventured Frodo.

"No, mister Frodo; and truth be told, I haven't seen too much of this type of hurt. But, I do know this is a serious one, and being he's still a teen, his mum and dad should know and see him."

"You're right, of course.", Frodo acknowledged. Right away, Fredegar volunteered, and Sam right after him; he and Sam immediately saddled up a couple ponies. He headed straight for Buckland and Sam for Tuckborough. Fredegar would arrive at Brandy Hall after sunrise, if he only took necessary breaks. In the meantime, Bell would sit at Merry's side and keep vigil.

Frodo stepped out into the hallway to think about all that had happened in the span of a few short hours. He was tired and leaned against the wall, letting out a huge sigh. This was his thirtieth birthday; it was supposed to be a celebration, not an occasion for grief.

"What kind of host are you?!"

"Huh?", Frodo's thought was interrupted. He turned his head towards the voice; it was Pearl. _Good gravy_, he thought, _Here it comes_.

"_I said_, what kind of host are you--allowing a small boy to drink his fill of ale?", As Pearl drew near, Frodo could see behind her. Pippin was heaving into a small pail.

__

Will this nightmare end?, thought Frodo. Not only did Pippin fall out of the tree and break his wrist, _now _he sits heaving up his last meal into a bucket because the _wretched host _forgot his duties to his young guest! And yet another of his closest friends lies abed nearby on the brink of death. The look of inconsolable worry was etched in Frodo's face. 

Pearl calmed down and decided not to provoke him further. In her subtle way, she leaned against the wall next to Frodo, and quietly said, "I know it was an accident, Frodo, however a _stupid _accident.", Pearl sighed, "I get so tied up in knots when I see my little brother so miserable." 

He returned her look and said, "I am so sorry, Pearl. "I feel like such a fool; I should have been more responsible." Frodo looked genuinely troubled.

Pearl couldn't be angry with him for long. "I suppose we all are allowed to make one _huge _irresponsible blunder in life", she sighed, ignoring the fact she was in her _irresponsible tweens _herself.

****

CHAPTER 14

Bell stepped out into the hallway and walked towards Pippin. "There you be, little one! Your sister tells me you've a hurt wrist, eh?"

Pippin having finished heaving looked up at the healer. She seemed to be a nice lady to Pippin until she mentioned his wrist; somehow he got the feeling she wanted to do something with it. As he cradled it, he took it into safekeeping under his blanket.

"Can I have a look?"

"No! It hurts."

"But that is why I want to see it; I want to see if I can make it _not _hurt."

Pippin eyed her warily. "How can you make it stop hurting?"

"Wait--Pippin!", Frodo stepped out of the hallway and went up to Pippin. He knelt down to look Pippin at eye level. "Pip, mistress Bell wants to look at your wrist...your wrist will need to be set."

"Set? Like _how_?"

"She will have to....to hold your wrist...and twist the bones into place in order for it to mend properly." Frodo watched Pippin's face to make sure he understood what he said.

Pippin's eyes got wide, he was getting scared; it apparently hurt enough for Frodo to tell him about it, and it didn't seem like he was going to have any say in the matter anyway. He held his arm closer. "_No!! _"

"Pippin...if your wrist isn't set, _it won't heal properly_; in fact, it may never heal. It will look like this for the rest of your days." Frodo tried to convince Pippin.

"I don't care! No one is going to touch my arm!!", Pippin was visibly upset and shaken now.

Frodo looked Pippin straight in the eyes. "Pippin, I swear I won't ever lie to you! I will always be truthful to you; do you trust me in this?", he waited for Pippin to nod. "Then, Pippin, I won't lie to you even now; it _must _be set, and when it's set....it will hurt--it will be extremely painful. But I will be here with you throughout the whole thing.", Frodo let these last words take effect, 'I will be here with you; _I will not leave you!_" _I will be a better host this time_, Frodo thought to himself.

"And I will be here with you as well!", Pearl answered.

Pippin's face held the look of one going to his death. He took his arm out from under the blanket, and looked at the swollen arm and blue wrist that he tried to imagine hale and whole again. He swallowed his fear. "Alright."

"Hmm?", Frodo wanted to make sure he caught what Pippin said.

"I said _alright_; let it be over with."

Frodo then nodded over to Bell, who sat down in a stool next to Pippin. Pippin held out his arm, but then felt someone lift him out of his seat. It was Frodo; he lifted Pippin onto his lap and held him tight around the waist. Already Pippin was regretting his agreement.

Bell took Pippin's arm and lightly slid her hand over his wrist and arm to get the right angle. She did this over and over. _This isn't so bad_, Pippin thought. Bell nodded to Pippin, "Are ye ready?"

To anyone passing by outside Bag End, they could clearly hear the blood-curdling scream of a child in pain. Pippin screamed again and struggled to break free, but the two older tweens held him fast. Bell took his wrist so she could splint and wrap it in a clean bandage, but Pippin thought she was trying to set it once more, and screamed again.

"Pip! She's done, she's done!", Frodo told Pippin, but that didn't console him. He just sat on Frodo's lap and cried. Frodo held him close and rocked him for sometime before Pippin began to settle down. "Hold your arm, Pip" Frodo said, and still holding him, he got up and took Pippin into the next room with the hot bath waiting for him. On his way, Frodo mouthed some words to Pearl. Closing the door, Frodo unwrapped Pippin's blanket and then helped him out of his shirt and trousers and placed a towel around Pippin. He picked up his young cousin, stepped himself into the tub, clothes and all, and sat down with Pippin still holding onto him, careful about Pip's newly set wrist the entire time. Pippin was still sniffling, but was calming down a little more. Frodo began to sweat from the hot water, and wiped his brow; but he knew the heat felt good to Pippin. He heard a soft knock on the door and it came open a bit. Pearl peeped in, and when she saw both of them in the tub she started to close the door again, but Frodo saw it; "Pearl! Wait!", he nearly shouted--not too loud for Pippin's sake, though.

Pearl hesitated, and saw Frodo was fully clothed. "Are you _mad_? You're going to get yourself sick as well!"

"I'll be fine, Pearl", Frodo assured her, "do you have it?"

Pearl nodded and held forth a bottle of wine and a glass. "You know I would never agree to this otherwise, don't you? He's already had his fill of ale yesterday! At the rate he's going, he'll be a drunkard by the time he turns nine!" She looked at her baby brother--well, _she _still saw him as such, anyhow. 

With a practiced hand, Frodo cradled Pippin while pouring wine into a glass as if for pleasure. "Pippin...let's have a toast!"

Pippin didn't answer; he sniffled.

"Pippin...do you want to taste Bilbo's favorite wine?"

"No.", he sniffed.

"Pip, this will take some of the hurt away."

Pippin sat up, wiped his eyes, and looked at the glass Frodo held.

"Just taste it, alright? It's very good!"

Pippin sipped a little bit and then lay his head back on Frodo's chest. Pearl knew then that her little brother would live through this nightmare.


	8. Chapters 15 and 16

****

CHAPTER 15

Frodo sat on the chair next to Merry where Bell had been earlier. Merry hadn't even stirred. After setting Pippin's wrist, Bell tidied up Merry's gash with a few stitches and a bandage. Merry didn't flinch the whole time; he looked as if he was merely taking a short nap.

"Pippin's doing better now, Merry; you ought to see him! He's passed out on the other bed.", Frodo chuckled. "I had to feed him a bottle of wine to kill the pain. He did well--_very _well." Frodo sadly smiled. "I was quite proud of him, you know." Frodo looked for a sign that Merry could hear him. Nothing. Frodo went on, "I didn't know you were in such a fix about where to live." Frodo drew closer to Merry, as of the words were for Merry alone. "It's a _gift_, Merry. Take it and spend it as you wish; I only wish you to be happy again."

Still nothing.

Frodo hoped no one would think he was going crazy; it felt good to talk to Merry, even though he knew Merry couldn't listen at the moment. "We sent for your parents, you know. I hated to worry them, but, Merry...", his voice was emotional now, "please, Merry....please", Frodo begged, "please wake up!" Frodo's eyes filled with tears.

Frodo sat wearily in his thoughts; some running back to when he and Merry lived at Brandy Hall. Merry must have been...perhaps, seven or eight years old. The other boys would exclude Merry from their games and tease him about being Master of the Hall. Frodo smiled at one thought of Merry getting into a scrap with his older cousin, Merimas. When Frodo separated the two, Merimas had run off crying. Frodo could never understand why Saradoc had Merry punished and not Merimas. When Bilbo's offer came to Frodo, he was only too eager to leave Brandy Hall; he and Saradoc had plenty of disagreements.

A quiet moment went by, but then Frodo heard it; a breath, a sigh. He wiped his tired eyes and looked at Merry. Merry eyes were still closed. Then Frodo saw Merry swallow. 

"Merry?"

Another heavy sigh.

"Merry....can you hear me?", Frodo chanced.

Merry's swallowed again, and his eyes flickered a bit, but were closed again.

"Merry...", Frodo would repeat his blessed name as often as it would take to get his friend to open up his eyes.

"Merry!", Frodo whispered. This time, his efforts yielded results. 

Merry flickered his eyes again, and this time they opened. 

Frodo was beside himself. He ran out into the hallway and yelled to all who could hear-- "He's awake!! Merry's awake!" Frodo ran back inside the room to make sure Merry didn't close his eyes again--at least just yet.

They all crowded around Merry's bed: Bilbo, Pearl, Pim, Perva, Folco, Bell and Frodo. It uplifted Merry to think that these people actually cared for him; perhaps having people care about him wasn't so scary. Pim bent over and kissed his brow, "Welcome back, Merry!" _He could get used to this!_

"Merry! Oh, it's so good to see you awake!", each one said in turn. After several minutes, it was only Frodo and Pearl in the room.

"Hmm?...", then Merry remembered Pippin and their evening of cold and rain. "Where's Pippin?" Merry tried to sit up, but his head swam.

"No, Merry! You must lie there still as a stone!" Frodo cautioned Merry. "Pippin is resting quietly on my bed in the next room!" Frodo, remembering his little wine party with Pippin, and went into full account with Merry.

"Oh, no. It's all my fault!", moaned Merry, holding his hurting head.

"What do you mean? How can you say that?", Frodo was surprised Merry would say such nonsense.

Merry sat back on his pillow, his head hurt too much to talk, but he told Frodo of all that happened from his and Pippin's argument in the fields up to the night before.

"Hmm...that explains a lot, Merry, but it's not your fault. Not one bit.", Frodo said, trying to soothe his cousin. "He actually accused you of trying to leave without saying _goodbye _to him?" Merry nodded. Frodo shook his head in puzzlement. "Dear Merry, it seems to me you have a serious case of attachment!" Frodo laughed. "He follows you around incessantly, does he not?" Merry barely nodded his head. Pearl smiled--she knew how her little brother could be. "I had this problem once" Frodo said, "I used to have this little cousin who followed me around _everywhere _I went. Do you remember him?" Frodo grinned; he was speaking of Merry.

"Was I that bad?" Merry grinned back.

"Of course not, Merry! But, does Pippin have many friends at Whitwell, or even Tuckborough?" 

Merry thought for a moment, and shook his head--then immediately cringed and put a hand to his head when his movement made his head throb even more. He never thought of that before, though. He and Pippin had been extremely close since Pippin was able to walk and talk, and over the years, as he visited Whitwell, they were inseparable. He and Pippin had truly become the brothers he always wanted....and now what was he to do? If Pippin truly considered him an older brother, then it was his duty to talk to him. Merry was still undecided, but perhaps talking it over with Pippin may help.

Merry was feeling like he now understood Pippin's behavior. "I feel horrible for not seeing this sooner. What do you think I should do?"

Frodo shrugged. Then Pearl said, "In the matter of where you live, Merry, that has to be your own decision, but I think if you do talk to Pippin, he will come to reason. He loves you Merry, and has always wanted the best for you. You have to remember--he wasn't quite himself last evening!"

Frodo added, "For all his inquisitiveness and quick wit, this is all probably a bit confusing to him."

Merry pulled his blankets up closer. "To _him_?...this is all baffling to _me_!"

CHAPTER 16

Frodo awoke to bright sunshine and birds chirping in the autumn breeze. The window was open a crack and so he felt the chilly morning breeze touch his face. The light danced upon his eyes through the window between the tree leaves. He groaned and turned over. _It must be past second breakfast and onto lunch by now_, he thought. He could smell food cooking. Frodo sat up and rubbed his tired eyes. It seemed like a dream far away, but no, he knew better. Merry lay in the next room extremely ill from a head wound, and Pippin lay in another room nursing a hang over from too much wine and ale. He wondered if Saradoc or Paladin had made it in yet. He did not relish Paladin confronting him; Pippin was his youngest child and only son, and there was talk of Paladin inheriting the title of Thain... Merry was Saradoc's only son as well, but he and Merry had had differences since...well, since Merry could walk and talk. Saradoc probably wouldn't even come. Poor Merry. 

He laid the quilt aside in bed and got up. He padded towards the wash basin and washed his hands and weary face. As he dried his face, he heard voices in the hallway. One he recognized--it was Bilbo, but he didn't know the other. He grabbed his toothbrush and began brushing his teeth. There was a heated discussion going on, and it seemed to grow hotter. He spat out the swill from brushing his teeth and quietly tip toed to the door. He opened it only enough to peer with one eye.

"I am taking my son home now, and if you try to stop me, I will have the Shirrifs on you faster than you can say it!"

"I don't recommend it! I highly encourage you to let the boy lie until he is well enough to travel!", Frodo knew this voice to be Bilbo's.

"He will receive the best of care at Brandy Hall! _Give me my son_!!" Frodo knew the second voice, but had to see who it belonged to...and without meaning to, the door creaked open far more than he wished.

"Frodo, lad!", Bilbo sounded relieved to see Frodo up and about. "Come on out and welcome our guest!"

Frodo was still in his nightshirt, but stepped out into the hallway to greet the visitor. "Hullo, sir", Frodo held out his hand, "I'm Fr--"

"Never mind the courtesies! I know who you are! I want to see my son!!"

"Which son?", asked Frodo, feigning ignorance, and immediately felt Bilbo's elbow in his ribs. Frodo was stalling, and Bilbo knew it.

"Don't sass me, lad! Bring me to my son, _NOW!_", the angry father growled.

Frodo eyed the large walking stick he carried. 

"Frodo", said Bilbo, taking the large stick out of the hobbit's grip, "why don't you escort our visitor to Merry?"

"Merry?", Frodo repeated, still stalling.

"What--are you hard of hearing, lad? _Take him to Merry_."

Frodo trembled as he escorted the limping hobbit to Merry's room.

After Frodo helped Saradoc settle into the chair, he spotted Paladin riding up on a pony. _Gracious me!_, Frodo thought, _will I survive this day? _Frodo excused himself from Saradoc and went out to meet Paladin. 

Frodo was heading straight for the door when halfway there, Pearl, unwary, walked into his path and knocked into him. Frodo crashed to the floor with Pearl on top of him. "Get off me, Pearl!!" Frodo gasped, "_Hurry! _Your father is coming to the door!!"

The genuine panic in Frodo's face made Pearl laugh. "Don't have a cow, Frodo! Papa won't kill you...until later!", and she got to her feet, and helped Frodo up.

Paladin knocked on the door, and then as all relatives do, he opened the door and walked in followed by Sam. Frodo met him, still in his nightshirt.

Paladin looked at the sight before him and said, "Lad, I don't know what kind of hours you keep here, but I'm looking for my son, Pippin." Then he saw Pearl over to the side, "Pearl! What is going on?"

Pearl took her father into the kitchen for a cup of tea and bread, and told him the whole story. From the arrival down to Pippin's glass of wine.

"Honestly, Pearl, what in the Shire goes through that boy's head? Drinking ale? Climbing a tree? I know he can be a handful, but how hard can it be to keep track of an eight-year-old?" Paladin sat in his chair frustrated. "Where was Bilbo when all of this happened?" Paladin had a huge puzzle to solve, and to bring it all into perspective, he needed to talk to his son. "Where is he?"

"Bilbo?", asked Frodo.

"_No_, lad! I first want to see my son, Pippin!", Paladin said, then added, "but yes, after that, I would like a word with cousin Bilbo."

Inwardly, Frodo rolled his eyes; _this was only going to get better_! 


	9. Chapters 17 and 18

****

CHAPTER 17

"Meriadoc! Pack up your things now. You will accompany me back to Brandy Hall."

Merry was shocked when he awoke and saw his father sitting in the chair. Bilbo stood next to Saradoc. _Why was Dad here? Was Mum sick?_ Merry woke up feeling very ill and having a tremendous headache. He closed his eyes to let the room stop spinning.

"At once, Meriadoc!", said his father. "I don't have all day."

"Saradoc! The boy is sick and wounded!", Bilbo was shocked at Saradoc. "Can you not see that?!"

"I've seen it before, Bilbo, he's trying for attention."

Just the sound of his father's voice angered and nauseated Merry. He decided that he would stand like a grown hobbit and tell his father what he had come to terms with. He laid aside his blankets and slowly stood up. His head felt like a twenty-pound weight. He swayed a little, and even gripped his night table, but never once reached out to his father--he was past that.

"Merry, you must lie down!", Bilbo ran to Merry's side.

"I am not coming with you now_, or ever_!", Merry spoke to his father, feeling a huge knot tighten in his stomach. "Too long have I been without a father who cares or even loves me.", Merry grew pale and gripped the night table tighter. "Too long have I been a bastard child in my own home--_if _you want to call it that!! Why was I even born?! I would surely like to know the answer to that question!" Merry's eyes filled with tears, but he wasn't going to let Saradoc have the satisfaction of seeing them.

Saradoc stared at Merry in disbelief. "How is it that you speak to me in such a manner? What have I ever done to you, boy?"

"Nothing!", Merry said, his voice trembling, "that's the problem! _You've never once touched me!_ Never held me, never kissed me, never patted my head." Merry felt what little strength he had was draining fast. "Anytime you were at home, you really weren't there; you were always locked away in your study! I've never felt like I meant anything to you!" A tear escaped. Then he added, "You didn't want me then, and I don't want you now!"

Merry was now holding onto the bed table with both hands, quivering. "What a laughable lot we are!", he said, his strength all spent now. He tried to set himself back onto the bed, but missed and fell to the floor. 

Bilbo, even though he was getting up in years, stooped down to help Merry into bed.

"Stand aside", Bilbo heard the other hobbit say. Bilbo was surprised at this, and stood off to the side. Saradoc walked up to Merry, who was too exhausted from his injuries and tears to care. "He is my child, my son", Saradoc said as he stooped down, and took his son into his arms and laid him into the bed. He covered Merry up, and sat on the edge of the bed. Saradoc leaned on his staff while in thought, and finally he said, "Meriadoc," he started, "...It's been too long ago, and I don't know where to begin; I never have." Saradoc said. "Merry...I still don't know where to begin....or how....and what shall I say after all these years? You are the brightest boy I've ever known--and have I told you this? You are the flower of my meadow and the star in my sky, but do you know this? Countless nights, Meriadoc, have I watched you sleep, because I couldn't bear to see your innocent blue eyes dance upon my own." Merry's head was turned in the other direction, away from his father. Saradoc continued, "Over the years, I have kept every drawing, every letter, and every painting you drew for me; and I have treasured each and every one. But have you seen this? No....no on all accounts. I have kept you at a distance, fearing to lose you....and have lost you all the same. I see now what I was too blind to see years ago; you had every right to say what you did." Then he added, "I only ask that you return for the sake of your mother." 

Merry was concerned over Saradoc's last statement. "Is Mum well?"

"Mother is fine, lad, but I can hear her cry at night; she misses you and worries over you." said Saradoc. 

Silence.

Saradoc sighed, took up his walking stick, and limped out of the room. Merry watched his father walk out, and never spoke a word. 

"What in Middle Earth do you think he's rambling on about?", Merry looked at Bilbo.

Bilbo only sighed and shook his head. Unbeknownst to Bilbo, this piqued Merry's interest even more.

"What are you shaking your head about?"

Just then, Bilbo saw Paladin peek around the corner. Relieved to be distracted, Bilbo jumped up, "Hullo, Paladin! Come here, dear cousin! Sit, sit!"

Paladin smiled at Merry as he entered the room. "How are you, lad?", Paladin came over to Merry bent over him, and gently kissed him on his forehead.

"A little better now.", Merry said. "though I have a bad headache." he smiled weakly and added, "Perhaps if I ate something."

"Is Bilbo starving you?", Paladin jested.

"It's almost lunch! Goodness, me!", Bilbo got up and ran to prepare lunch for all his guests. He spotted Frodo still in the doorway, still in his nightshirt and clucked his tongue at the young hobbit. "What?!", Frodo turned and followed the old hobbit down the hallway and into kitchen.

Merry and Paladin were alone. Paladin looked at Merry; he had his sister Esmeralda's bright blue eyes, her smile, laugh, and sense of humor. Each time he looked at Merry, he saw Esmeralda. In Paladin's eyes, Merry was more a Took than a Brandybuck. 

"How is Pippin, uncle Paladin?", Merry asked.

"Pippin is doing remarkable; though he has a very large headache himself, right now!", they both laughed. "Broken bones mend, Merry, though I can't say the same for broken hearts, eh? I saw Saradoc a few moments before I popped in."

Merry grew confused again, and told Paladin what Saradoc said.

Paladin shook his head. "Please don't do that!", Merry interjected, "Bilbo just did that and now I want to know all about whatever you all know that I don't!", said Merry, "it will probably not make a difference, but I'd like to know all the same."

Paladin let out a long breath. "Alright...A little over a year before you were born, you had an older brother." Merry raised his eyebrows. "No one told you, then?" Merry shook his head. Paladin continued. "It figures. His name was Saramac; he lived maybe...three or four months? Eglantine and I went to visit not long before he died; a tiny, beautiful little boy, much like my own Pippin." Paladin smiled at the memory of his tiny little Pippin. Then it disappeared as he again thought of Saramac. "Too tiny, though. He was born too early; he never grew, and never quite got the healthy color that most babies get. His death shook Saradoc, and it cut him deep--his first born, and a male child. He loved that boy more than life itself."

Merry listened intently at what Paladin spoke; this is something neither of his parents told him.

"Several months later, my sister--your mother-- found she was with child again; this time it was you, Merry. The healers said it was too soon, and that you had the same chances as your brother, Saramac. It was apparently too much for Saradoc; he took to locking himself in his study, and when you were born, he refused to see you. He was afraid that if he allowed himself to get close to you, you would die as did Saramac did. Esmeralda didn't know what to do--I told her to let Saradoc be for the present, I thought he would eventually come around in order to be a suitable father to you, but he never recovered from Saramac's death and seems to have carried his fears over to you. That is how you started your summer visits; your mother, your auntie, and I wanted you to have a father figure of some sort--even if it was only for a few weeks out of the summer. As you grew older, your father's separation became more painfully evident to you, and so that's when I persuaded Essie to let you visit more often. I thought I could be the father you so desperately wanted--and needed. Perhaps I erred in my judgment." Paladin smirked at his plan seemingly gone awry. 

Merry reviewed everything that had happened in his life, and the one person that was there at each crucial moment, was Paladin. As he lost each baby tooth, Paladin was there to celebrate. The time he wanted to sleep out under the stars near a campfire, Paladin packed up two sacks and off they went--only a mile down the road, though. And every time those wretched thoughts of being unwanted crawled into his mind, Paladin was there to soothe him. The truth was, to some extent, he wasn't wanted. Merry had now come to terms with that, and the more Merry thought on that, the more he decided all else was best left behind him. He decided to focus on those who _did _love him: his mother, his extended Took family, Frodo, and most of all...Paladin. He would forever consider him his dad, his father. Saradoc lost out on all of that, and would never recover it. Those memories Merry cherished belonged to him and Paladin alone. If Saradoc wanted to come along for the ride in the future, Merry decided it he would let him ride; though it wouldn't likely change anything, and he'd have to prove himself to Merry.

"_Erred_? Did I turn out that bad?", asked Merry, with a twinkle in his eye.

"You know better than that!" Paladin smiled.

Merry grew serious, as he often did these days, "Uncle Paladin...thanks for being my dad...when I had no dad."

Paladin also grew serious, yet smiled back, "Thank you for being my son...when I had no son..._and now I have two_!"

****

CHAPTER 18

The three elder hobbits sat at the table and drank tea. Lunch was over with and the all the younger hobbits scattered when they were finished; only Pippin remained--he lagged a bit due to only one functioning arm. Pippin lifted his mug--this time filled with milk--and drank the last drop, and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. Noting no women folk at the table, he let loose the huge air bubble in his throat, and _very _loud it was! He giggled at the freedom.

"Pip", Paladin spoke quietly to his son, "use your napkin, and use your manners."

Pippin eyeballed the other company, "'scuse me.", and wiped his mouth once again, but used his napkin this time. He climbed down from his stool, still dressed in Frodo's huge shirt, and started to leave the kitchen.

Paladin had a quick thought. "Pippin", Paladin called. Pippin turned in his father's direction. "Come here, son."

__

What did I do this _time?, _he thought to himself. He walked over to his father. Instead of giving him a lecture, his father wrapped him in a hug; being that Pippin was used to his father's open affection, Pippin returned his father's hug, and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Wary of the staring eyes, Pippin became bashful and whispered in Paladin's ear, "I love you, papa." Then he ran out of the kitchen, but not before Paladin gave his son a loving swat on the bum.

"Pippin!" Paladin yelled after his son, "Be careful of your arm!!"

Once the last child was out of the room, the air became extremely tight around the two fathers.

Paladin looked straight at Saradoc. He was furious at his brother-in-law. "_That _is what you have missed all these years! You arrogant buffoon! You have missed your son placing his wet milky lips on your cheek, kiss you, and tell you he loves you. You've missed it all! You've missed teaching your son to burp--yes, of course I taught Pippin that--and Merry, too! You didn't think boys learned that from their mothers, did you? Yes, the drawings and letters are a part of it, but nothing, Saradoc, _nothing_, takes the place of all the hugs and kisses of affection from your flesh and blood! 

I can't tell you how many tears your son has shed knowing he will never have what Pippin and I have; and that makes me _sick to my stomach_! All these years you have acted the fool, and tossed your son's love out the window like it was trash!! All he ever wanted was for you to return a simple hug, pat him on the head for a job well done, or hold his hand when he was afraid or had a nightmare. You missed all of that, Saradoc, and you can't go back to reclaim it! He's not a little boy anymore. He's almost grown, and has never known his father." Paladin had more to say, but the more he looked at Saradoc, the more annoyed he became. He sat back down on his chair. "Now what do you intend to do?"

Saradoc wiped his mouth with his napkin, and got up to leave. "Go back to Buckland. He obviously doesn't need me."

"I don't believe you, Sara!", Paladin let his anger loose. "This is what you've done for the past sixteen years! Haven't you had enough?! I know Merry has! He's not a child anymore, yes, but he's still a boy who needs his father! And now you run back to your study again? I won't have this--I will not stand idly by and watch you destroy your son!"

"What would you have me do?!", Saradoc shot back. "He doesn't want me! He's already made that clear!"

"Of course he's going to say that--he's protecting his heart from you cutting it into pieces by turning your back on him--_again_!! _Fight _for him, Saradoc--that's the only way you're ever going to get him back, and even then, you've still lost all those years. They will never return, but you can make a start today. Yes! Today, Saradoc, you can start over by fighting for him."

"And how would you suggest I do that?! You seem to be full of wisdom today."

"Think, Sara! Where have you NOT been these past sixteen years? At your son's side. He's still sick, and needs someone to look after him. No matter what he says or does, you must not leave him! Even if he tosses you out on your ear, don't leave him!" Paladin drew closer to Saradoc for this last bit; "I know he will kick and push you to the brink, _but do not leave him_--or this will be the very last time you ever see your son. Because mark my words--I know Merry as my own child--and if you leave him today without so much as lifting a finger to try and win him back, he will utterly reject you as his father."


	10. Chapters 19 and 20

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CHAPTER 19

Saradoc walked into Merry's bedroom. He saw Frodo, the Took lasses and little Pippin sitting around Merry; they were all laughing about a jest someone had just made. No one took notice of him standing there yet.

"It's your move!", Perva told Pippin.

"I know! I'm thinking!!"

"How long does it take you to think?!"

"Not long!", said Pippin, as he made a sweeping motion down the board with his rook, and a triumphant grin on his face. His rook took her knight, and..."Check Mate!"

Perva was shocked. "You can't do that!"

"What do you mean, I can't do that?" Pippin laughed, "Of course I can, and I just did!"

"Perva, Perva," Frodo mockingly shook head, "even I saw his moves several on ahead, and I hate chess! He _let _you take all his pawns!"

"Fine! Have your day, Pip, because I can still wrestle you to the ground on my worst day with one hand tied behind my back!"

"Tied behind your back?", Pippin actually considered that offer...

"No you two! And, Pippin, I had better not see you wrestling, running, jumping, or any of that for a long time!", Pearl stated, but couldn't help but smile at her young brother. Then she noticed Saradoc at the door.

Everyone followed her gaze. Silence.

"Uh...hullo, all." Saradoc nervously addressed them. They continued to stare at him. 

"Did you forget something, father?", asked Merry. "I'm sorry, I can't see you to the door." he added flatly.

"No...no", Saradoc answered, not taking Merry's hint. "Of course you can't." Saradoc felt eyes boring into him. He spotted an empty chair in the far corner. His knee still gave him grief over an injury this past summer, but he made it to the chair and sat down.

Pearl nudged Pim, who nudged Perva. 'I think it's time to help clean up the kitchen.' 

"Oh, my, it is!", agreed Pim.

"I must help!", cried Perva running after her sisters.

Pippin busied himself with picking up the chess pieces. He tidied them into a neat little box, and set it off to the side.

More silence.

"If you didn't forget anything, why are you here?", said Merry.

"I came here for you, son. And I will visit until it is time to go home."

"And the time hasn't passed, yet? Goodness, your pocket timer must be off!", but no one laughed at his jest.

"Like it or not, I am here for the duration of our stay." Saradoc ventured, hoping this would set the peace. But that was not to be; Merry had sixteen years of anger pent up inside him.

"_Our _stay? I don't know about you, but I'm staying here for quite a long while" --here he nudged Pippin sitting next to him on the bed-- "and no, I _don't _like your being here! So you may as well leave this instant!"

Frodo cleared his throat, and made to leave them alone. "Don't leave on his account, Frodo!"

Frodo purposely turned his back towards Saradoc, and spoke softly to Merry, so as only he and Pippin could hear Frodo's words. "As feeble as it looks, Merry, your father is trying to correct himself, and reach out to you. I don't know....maybe _entertain _him for a while, and then make your decision. But right now, I wish my father were alive, even in Saradoc's state of self-centeredness; at least he'd _be _alive, though. Don't waste this chance as he's wasted his." Frodo patted his friend's shoulder, got up and walked out.

Merry plopped back onto his pillows. The headache that never really went away was doubling back in force. He rubbed his eyes and face. Saradoc didn't rub away; he was still sitting in the chair. Merry stared up at the ceiling, took a deep breath and sighed. 

"How is mum?"

"She is well; she speaks of you always. She misses you, Merry"

"You told me that already; tell me something I don't know. I know she loves and misses me--she's always told me that." Merry rubbed his forehead. "My heart breaks every time I think about her; I'm sure she knows by now that I will never return home. And my absence is no thanks to you!" Merry retorted.

Pippin could feel the hurt pouring from his cousin's heart. He climbed under the blankets with Merry and held his hand. It pained Pippin to see Merry so wretched, but understood things had to be "set" in order to heal properly; he knew that first hand.

"You look as if you're bored silly. You obviously have nothing to say to me, and I to you." Merry was growing agitated. "just...please leave!"

Saradoc got up, and using the chair as a walking stick, he shuffled closer to the bed.

"That isn't leaving, father!", Merry raised his voice, and winced at the loudness, "Why are you doing this to me?! Do you think that after all these years you can just walk into my life as if nothing has happened?!", Merry's anger was strong. "You silly old ass! Go home! I don't want you here, don't you understand?" Merry held his head and made a face.

Saradoc took all the daggers Merry threw at him; he deserved it. He was a terrible father to Merry. Paladin was right; he had taken his anger of Saramac's death out on Merry all these years. But why _his _child--he looked at the small child sitting next to Merry in the bed, and wondered how Pippin survived and not Saramac. Pippin was born too soon as well, so how was it that _he _survived and not Saramac? So many questions and hurt, but no answers, so Saradoc paid attention to the moment at hand; was he willing to go the full mile with Merry? Was he ready to take on his paternal responsibilities and guide Merry into adulthood? Lastly, would Merry be willing to allow him this privilege? Saradoc tightened his belt for the long ride; he would endure, for the sake of his surviving son. _His _son. He got up, and scooted his chair even closer.

Merry angrily threw a pillow at the older hobbit. "Get out of here! Get out!! Leave me alone!!", between the pain in his head and the anger in his heart, Merry became visibly upset. He held his head. "Why don't you do what you do best and _leave me alone_?! Go home and lock yourself away in your study and never bother me again!", he held his head and curled up into a ball as nausea swept up in him.

Pippin was getting worried over his cousin's headache. He hopped out of bed, nearly falling in the process, and ran to find his papa. He'd know what to do.

Saradoc stood up from the chair, he too, was now worried over Merry's head. He went to the bedside, only to be shoved away by Merry. "Get away from me!! Don't touch me!...", he sobbed. "Don't touch me!"

Saradoc put his hand on his son's head. Merry jerked away, "NO!", he screamed at his father. "Oh, please...", he held his head and sobbed all the more, "it hurts...my head hurts."

CHAPTER 20

Paladin ran into the room with Bilbo, Frodo, and Pippin behind him. "Saradoc, please stand over there.", Paladin indicated to where Bilbo stood, and tried to look at Merry's face. Merry's hands held either side of his head and his eyes were clenched shut in spite of the tears falling down his face. Merry gasped with sobs. Paladin looked at Saradoc, "When did this start?"

"Shortly after I entered the room.", he said dejectedly.

"Merry, open your eyes", Paladin instructed. Merry was clearly upset, but between gasps, he opened his eyes for Paladin. "Someone shut the drapes, please." Frodo and Pippin fell to the task. "Is that better, Merry?"

Merry still held his head and sobbed, but nodded. Paladin let out a sigh. "It's probably no more than because you're upset, lad. You need to try and calm down a bit. Saradoc--can you leave him alone for a little while?"

Saradoc gave a puzzled look to Paladin. Paladin nodded that it was okay. Saradoc turned and limped out of the room, and Bilbo followed him.

"Merry...", Paladin held Merry and spoke softly so as not to agitate Merry's headache. "Merry....Shhhh. Calm down, son" Paladin rubbed Merry's back while Merry sobbed into his pillow.

Pippin leaned against his father, "Papa, will Merry be alright?"

Paladin saw the concern etched on his young son's face. "Yes, Pippin, Merry will be fine. He has a terrible, terrible headache right now, and we must try not to upset him further." Paladin didn't want to overburden a child with matters of the heart, but Pippin surprised him. 

"After all this time, papa, why does uncle Saradoc want Merry now? Will he take Merry from us?"

Paladin smiled inwardly; Pippin apparently no longer considered Merry a cousin. "I don't know about that, Pip, but don't be afraid; what you, Merry, and me have together, no one, not even Saradoc, can ever take that away." then Paladin leaned closer to Merry, "Did you hear that, Merry? _No one_!"

Merry sniffed, and turned over. The room was darker, and that helped, but his head still throbbed.

"Merry, please try to calm a bit; tea is almost here, and I want you to be able to eat a little bit--you haven't eaten all day, and you need your strength to get better." said Paladin. "I'm going to have a word with your father, alright?"

Paladin left Merry in the hands of Frodo and Pippin, and met Saradoc in the great room with Bilbo.

"Is Merry alright?", Saradoc inquired.

Paladin grinned inwardly, _you ask only now? What about when he was seven years old and fell off the fence and nicked his chin? Did you think to ask then? Or when he was twelve, and had nightmares about wolves after one attacked him? Did you even ask why his foot was bandaged? _

Paladin smoothed his own brown curly hair away from his face with his hand and sat down. He indicated for Saradoc to sit down as well. "Perhaps I misjudged, Sara. Perhaps this isn't the best time to try and win Merry over."

"What are you talking about? Why not?"

"Saradoc, if you haven't noticed, your son is very ill right now. And your presence apparently disturbs him greatly. That was my error. I daresay, though, I believe you got his attention." Paladin gave Saradoc a weak smile. "I would suggest limiting your bedroom visits, but I say again, do not leave until I say it's alright to do so."

Saradoc was lost in thought...he seemed less worried, for now.


	11. Chapters 21 and 22

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CHAPTER 21

Pim knocked and opened Merry's door. He _seemed _asleep, but she knew that while he had a bad headache, he would not be able to. "Merry?", she poked her head around the side of the door.

"Mmm?", Merry didn't open his eyes.

"I've brought you a tea tray of biscuits and fruit." Pim carefully laid the tray on the chair, and helped Merry into a sitting position, and she fluffed his pillows for him. "Feeling better?"

"A little."

To Pim, Merry sounded like a little lost child. She smoothed his curls away from his face. "Oh, Merry. I am so sorry about today."

"What do you have to be sorry about, Pim? Merry put the sugar and milk into his tea. "He's not your father."

He nibbled on a biscuit, some fruit, and sipped his tea.

"I don't know", she sighed, "after all these years....how do you feel about all this?" 

Merry paused from his nibbling. "I don't know. Until this afternoon, I thought I knew exactly what my next step would be; with uncle Paladin's permission, I was going to stay at Whitwell until Yule. Then I would visit my mother, and head out to Bag End for...I don't know how long." He looked at Pim, "Now, I'm not quite so sure about what I want." Merry fingered his slice of apple, lost in thought. "I know what he's up to--I just don't know if I want to play along is all.", Merry looked up at his cousin and dear friend, "He's a complete stranger to me, Pim. One part of me wants desperately to know him."

"And the other?"

Merry sighed in his thought. "To just leave me alone and never seek me out ever again. But for my mother, I would have left long ago, Pim."

__

If Merry had left long ago, where would he be now, and how would he have fared?, Pim thought. She put her arm around her friend. "I'm glad you didn't leave! You bring joy into _our _home, and I can't imagine life without you, Merry. You're like a brother to me."

Merry never heard words like that from her, or anyone, before. He blushed and then gave her a kiss on her cheek. "From one friend to another, and a brother to his sister."

After a moment of silence, Pim began to clean up the tea tray. 

"Let me help", Merry said. So he got out of bed and put on a robe, and helped with the rest of the clean up. He carried his empty teacup and saucer behind her as she carried the tray of food.

"You poor thing!", Pim teased Merry, "How heavy that must be for you!", she and Merry laughed.

Frodo and Pippin were still having tea in the kitchen. Once again, Pippin lagged behind because of his broken wrist. Frodo was helping Pippin spread jam over his biscuit when Pim and Merry entered.

"Merry! What are you doing out of bed?!", Frodo looked worried.

"That bed was getting to me, and so I decided to help Pim bring the dishes back--as you can see _I _have the heavy load!", he said with a wink to Pim.

Pippin watched his cousin with a wary eye, but couldn't say anything; his mouth was full of biscuit and jam.

"It's probably not a good idea to be up and about yet, Merry." Frodo didn't want to say anything, but Merry still looked horrible.

"I feel fine!", Merry assured Frodo; then suddenly everything became clouded over with white and yellow spots. He lost his balance and reached out for the counter top, dropping the cup and saucer. 

Immediately Frodo jumped up and caught Merry. Merry hadn't quite fainted, but he certainly had a scare. "Alright--I'm going back to bed!"

"And stay there this time!" Frodo smiled, and helped Merry back to bed.

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CHAPTER 22

When Merry awoke, the room was completely dark, and discerned it must be the early morning hours _When will my head stop pounding_?, Merry thought. He let out a loud sigh, turned over and tried to sleep. Then he saw the door open a crack; it was Paladin. "Merry?", he whispered.

"I'm awake."

"I thought I heard you stirring about. I'm with Pippin for the moment until I can get him back to sleep, but I'll be back in right after."

"I'll be alright, uncle Paladin--see to Pippin; he sounds like he's hurting bad."

"He'll be in pain a couple more days, but it will pass. How are you?"

"Same."

Paladin grinned at his nephew's response, and closed the door.

When Merry awoke next, he could smell bacon frying. He thought for sure his stomach might argue about it, with his previous sour stomach. He turned over to see if motion would bring on his headache and nausea. He still had a small headache, but the nausea was gone. His stomach growled. Good! Merry's favorite breakfast food was bacon...dare he get up again, though? _Why not? Will the bacon walk in his room for him to eat? _Merry wanted any excuse to get up. Well...he did have a full bladder and needed to relieve it...he'd go outside and breathe in some fresh air. _Fresh air!_

Merry sat up and put his feet on the floor. Oh my, the floor is really cold today! He tottered over to the door and opened it. The smell of bacon and bread baking, tea boiling all came at him at once. Now Merry didn't know which to make for first--the kitchen, or the nearest bush. It was Pearl who peeked down the hallway to see who first arose from their bed.

"Merry! Get back to your bed at once!", Pearl commanded. Normally, Merry obeyed the elder Pearl and all the authority invested to her, but he was too far away from the little pail in his room now as he approached the back kitchen door.

"I can't, Pearl--I have to go--_really _go!", Merry walked slowly, but deliberately to the door.

"Then you shan't go alone."

Merry shot a look in her direction. "Yes I shall!"

"I didn't mean _me_, you nitwit!", said Pearl, amused that Merry would think such. "Frodo!", she called. A moment later Frodo appeared in the kitchen.

"I thought you told me to stay out?", Frodo smirked.

"I did; and I still want you to keep out." Pearl said as she started to set out the plates and cups on the table. "Pim and Perva just went out fetch water, but Merry, here, needs help to walk outside...if you get my meaning."

"Ahhh, yes. I will help you walk, Merry." Frodo walked up to Merry and took the crook of his cousin's arm and together they walked outside.

Pearl opened the oven to take out the bread, and nearly dropped it when turned around. Pearl gasped, "Papa! You startled me!"

"I know I must look a fright this morning, Pearl; I've only slept a few hours this night."

"No, father, I just didn't hear you enter the kitchen is all."

Paladin settled into a chair. "Is tea on yet?", he asked.

"Yes, father", and she placed a cup in front of him.

"Your mother has taught you well, Pearl! The aroma of bacon and bread will drag any male hobbit out of bed at _any _hour!", he laughed, and stared at the steam rising from his cup as Pearl poured the tea. 

"Papa, you should have woke me up to help with Pippin."

"Why, so we both would look frightful this morning?", he chuckled at what he must look like right now. "No. This past night was the essence of rearing children, Pearl.", he carefully sipped the hot liquid, and winced when he burned his tongue anyway. Then more seriously, he added, "I feel sorry for Saradoc, Pearl; many times he had the chance to cradle his son the way I've done Pippin, but he chose not to. And now he pays the price."

Pearl sat down next to her father with her own cup of tea. "What do you think will happen next, father?"

"I must get back to the fields today; I cannot spend another day here. And I cannot leave Merry behind; he's not yet old enough to be out on his own." Paladin shrugged his shoulders, he spoke as if he saw Merry's future laid out in his mind. "Merry will probably never return to Brandy Hall except to visit his mother, I fear. I will speak with Saradoc before we leave today, and Merry will likely go home with us and stay for a time. Then after while, he may choose to travel back here to Bag End and stay with his friends.", Paladin sipped his tea again. "I do hope beyond all hope, however, that Merry goes back to Brandy Hall from time to time; not only for my sister's sake, but so that him and Saradoc can finally....I don't know...start a course of getting to know each other? This knot took years to tie, and will take years to unravel...", he trailed off. 

After playing father to Merry for so long, Paladin felt worry for his nephew, but also relief. Though Merry wasn't old enough to live on his own yet, there were plenty of people willing to care for him and love him. At least Merry was old enough to make decisions for himself--good decisions. 

Paladin figured it would take years for Merry to begin to trust Saradoc. The good part was that Saradoc couldn't break Merry's heart ever again...Paladin wouldn't let him, and better yet, neither would Merry. 

For a split second, Paladin thought he would miss the late evening chats and holding his nephew, shielding him from the selfish pain of his father. But then, he thought again, that job never ends with fathers and sons.

~~THE END~~


	12. Author's Thank You Notes

Now I know why others post comments in the text of their chapters! My mail keeps getting returned to me from "Damien" (as I call him!), so I've had to figure up another way to thank people for their reviews:

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Zebra Wallpaper: Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for a fantastic review! Merry and his father do come to better terms--but after 22 chapters, I had to bring it to a close! I'm working on another story that may show a few nicer Saradoc/Merry moments. Wow! Thanks again!  
  
Pippinfan

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Natta: Thank you Natta--a great review doesn't have to be lengthy; I treasure _each one_! Thank you for taking the time to read the story--you think it was lengthy in reading--try writing it!! (LOL) As I said to Zebra Wallpaper, I had to bring it to a close; there is a limit on memory per story, and I think I got close! Yes, there is a "sequel", but each of my stories have, or will, inter-twine with one another. I don't know how I'm gonna manage that, but I'm already at work on another....  
  
Thanks Again,  
Pippinfan 


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